So the closer I get to being a dad, the more I have been paying attention to other people's children. Some are hilarious, others boring, some are ugly, others are cute. I start to imagine what Charlie is going to look like; if he'll have my wife's beautiful eyes or my enormous penis, if he'll smile like Emily or cry and fuss like I do when I'm hungry and have to drop a deuce. The possibilities are endless and it brings me extreme joy to think about these things.
However, there are a select group of kids I see who elicit the exact opposite emotion in me. I see these children and I get angry, almost nauseous. They make me question if procreation was the right decision. These children that I speak of are assholes. I don't know if they are born assholes or their parents are to blame, but their shittiness is undeniable. They don't listen to their parents, they scream at the top of their lungs for no reason, and they will, without hesitation, kick a stranger in the shins while simultaneously spitting on them, just for shits and giggles.
Unfortunately, it seems that parents are unable to detect the asshole in their child. I'm not sure if they are immune to the behavior due to overexposure or, as they say, love is blind. I'm still trying to figure that out.
My goal is to do all that I can within my power as a parent to avoid raising an asshole. But, if my kid does happen to punch you in the nuts in the supermarket or sticks a bottle rocket up your cats pooper, I'm sure he had a good reason. Besides most cats are assholes, too.
